


please dont leave me, youre not allowed to leave me

by MostlyxInfinite



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with Happyish Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Cigarettes, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, I'm Sorry, I'm really sorry, Just angst, M/M, Moving On, Swearing, Violence, i'm a bad person, its like no fluff tho, kill me now, learning to love again, sorry about that, this was meant to be short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-11 22:45:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12945639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostlyxInfinite/pseuds/MostlyxInfinite
Summary: Woohyun didn't have any recollection of the events that lead to their current situation.His eyes never leaving the white shirt slowly staining red with blood. The liquid seeping into the strands of cotton.He holds Sunggyu close because that's all he can do. He's powerless. And he knows he fucked up.He knows.





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can I be your everything? Just until I’m gone?”

Woohyun didn't have any recollection of the events that lead to their current situation.  
 

His eyes never leaving the white shirt slowly staining red with blood. The liquid seeping into the strands of cotton.

   
He holds Sunggyu close because that's all he can do. He's powerless. And he knows he fucked up. _He knows._

_Earlier that evening_

A hand tugs at Sunggyu’s own, pulling him forward. 

“Come on hyung! Let’s go, we’ll be late for the movie!”

“Woohyun the movie starts in 20 minutes, we’ll get there on time.” Sunggyu says as he continues to drag his feet.

A frustrated pout falls onto the younger’s lips, “That’s what you said last time and we were late because of your lazy ass!”

A smirk finds its way onto Sunggyu’s lips as he stalks past Woohyun, “You love my lazy ass.”

Woohyun flushes a bright red as he stares at Sunggyu’s back, frozen. Sunggyu turns his to look back at Woohyun and smiles fondly at the expression on partner’s face. “If you just stand there we’ll definitely be late.” He calls back.

Woohyun snaps out of his daze and stumbles over his feet as he catches up to his elder, a huge smile finding his lips. Sunggyu struggles to contain a small laugh at how ridiculous Woohyun looks, bundled up in winter clothing despite it only being early spring, a large scarf thrown carelessly around his neck, Woohyun’s reasoning was that the theatres would be cold.

An arm slides its way around Sunggyu’s wrist and Woohyun pulls him closer. Planting a small kiss on Sunggyu’s forehead, “I love you.”

A smile matching Woohyun’s works its way onto his lips, he quickly wraps both his arms around Woohyun’s neck as he pulls him into a kiss. “I love you so so much.” Sunggyu mumbles between small kisses on his lover’s lips. 

After finishing his kiss attack Sunggyu lets his head rest in the crook of Woohyun’s neck, “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, the best thing that will ever happen to me and I love you so much.”

Woohyun smiles softly and runs a hand through the elder’s hair, “Ditto.”

They stand there for who knows how long, just in each other’s embrace. Not caring about the looks the passing people give them or when someone intentionally pushes past them. They didn’t care, it was like they were in their own little world where nothing could touch them.

Woohyun’s eyes flutter open and catch sight of the time on an analogue clock hanging in the empty café beside them. His eyes widen drastically as he pulls away from Sunggyu. A whimper leaves Sunggyu’s lips as he tries to warp his arms around Woohyun again.

“We are so late, the movie started 10 minutes ago!” he whines.

“We can still go and watch it.”

“Hyung, you know I can’t watch a movie without watching the start!” Woohyun purposely dragging out each letter in hyung as he stomps his foot on the concrete.

Sunggyu rolls his eyes, “Then I guess we can’t watch it then.”

“But hyung, I’ve been wanting to see this movie for sooo so so long! You know this!” 

“Then we’ll have to wait and watch it when it comes out on TV.” Sunggyu puts his hands in his pockets and starts walking back the way they came.

Woohyun huffs as he trails behind Sunggyu and stands right in front of him when he catches up, arms crossed angrily over his chest.

“You totally did it on purpose, I know you don’t like horror movies and all but I’m here to protect you-“ 

“I did not do it on purpose!” Sunggyu squeaks out, face flushed with embarrassment, “if I did we’d still be at home indulging in more… interesting activities…” he smirks

Woohyun flushes bright red and goes to reply when he catches something out of the corner of his eye, someone in the shadows of the alleyway next to them. 

He cuts Sunggyu off midsentence again “What was that?” his gaze directly staring at the dark shadows. Sunggyu’s eyes follow where Woohyun is looking.

A can goes scraping across the ground towards them and a whimper follows, Sunggyu looks up and down the street they’re on and spots no one, only the flicker of a street lamp.

“Woohyun whatever you do, don--“Sunggyu turns back to where Woohyun was and sees him starting to go inside the alleyway. Sunggyu darts forward and grabs Woohyun’s arm.

“Don’t you even think about it.”

Woohyun doesn’t take his eyes off the shadows, “But hyung someone could be hurt.”

“Then we’ll just call an ambulance now and they can check it out. We don’t need you going in there like a hero and most likely getting hurt.”

Woohyun rolls his eyes, “I’ll be fine.” And tugs his arm away from Sunggyu’s hold and starts walking into the darkness.

Sunggyu trails after him, an endless stream of worried words leaving his mouths as he desperately tries to drag Woohyun out.

“Come on, please baby. I’ll just call an ambulance no-“

“You won’t be needing to do that.” A gruff voice calls out from further in the alleyway. A silhouette of a well-built man comes out to stand in front of them. Sunggyu’s eyes search the man of any weapons and is relieved to find the man unarmed.

Woohyun’s face is full of worry as he goes to approach the man, “Are you hurt?-“

The man smiles strangely at Woohyun, “No I’m perfectly fine. But you won’t be for long.”

Woohyun’s head tilts sideways in confusion, “What do you mean?”

Sunggyu’s eyes widen, “Shit no, Woohyun come back to me now. He’s going to-“Sunggyu is cut off by another man grabbing the back of his neck. Sunggyu feels something cold rest on the base of his neck. His body goes into shock and he can’t move.

“There was another one.” Sunggyu barely whispers.

He can practically feel the smile on the face of the man restraining him, “Yes there was.”

Woohyun’s head snaps around and he sees Sunggyu with a knife being held up to his neck, the fear evident on his partners face. His body reacts and he feels himself moving towards Sunggyu, “Sung-“

A hand firmly grasps his forearm, “Where do you think you’re going?”

Woohyun is harshly pushed up against the brick wall beside him. A hand firmly gripping his neck.

“We don’t h-have anything, please ju-just let u-us go.” Sunggyu stammers out, his lisp becoming more prominent the more he speaks.

“I’m sure you have something on you. So don’t you dare lie to me.” The man with the knife threatens, pushing the knife against Sunggyu’s skin, drawing a small amount of blood. The man leans down to Sunggyu’s ear and whispers “Lying’s bad, and you’ll need to be taught a lesson.” Sunggyu shivers at the feeling of warm breath on his neck causing the knife to dig further into his skin.

Woohyun leans off the wall when he sees the blood, “What the fuck are you doing, don’t fucking hu-“

The hand around his neck gets tighter and Woohyun can’t breathe, “I’d shut your mouth if you don’t want anything to happen to him.”

Gasping for air Woohyun nods. “Good. Now empty your pockets.” Woohyun empty’s his coat pocket of a packet of gum, his keys and some coins, his phone falls the ground when he turns his pants pockets inside out.

The man’s grip gets tighter, “Is that everything?” Woohyun nods to the best of his abilities. “Good.” the man shoves Woohyun to the ground in front of him, on his knees. 

Woohyun sits there gasping for air as the other man goes over to Sunggyu. 

“Now what about you.” The man says as the other with the knife puts more pressure on the point of the blade, drawing more blood from Sunggyu’s neck. Sunggyu can’t move, his body is frozen, one slight move and the knife digs further into his neck. 

The man starts with the pockets on Sunggyu’s leather jacket, harshly pulling out the insides of the pockets, “I hate leather, makes it so much harder to work.” 

Sunggyu’s phone falls to ground, shattering the screen, along with his wallet and a small black box. The man empties Sunggyu’s jean pockets of a few coins.

The man leans down and picks up Sunggyu’s wallet and flips through it, taking out a handful of notes and Sunggyu’s credit cards. The knife is pushed further into Sunggyu’s neck, “You lied to us.” 

Sunggyu whimpers at the feeling of the knife cutting his skin, a tear rolls down his cheek.

The other man picks up the black box, “If there’s anything else valuable in here then we’ll have to hurt you for lying to us.” He opens the box and pulls out a small silver band. Woohyun’s eyes widen.

“A-an en-“, Woohyun can’t finish his sentence, Sunggyu was going to propose.

Sunggyu’s head lowers, “It was meant to be a surprise.” He barely gets out.

The man with the knife tsk’s, “You shouldn’t have lied and maybe you’d still be alive to propose to him.” 

Woohyun’s eyes widen, “Wha-“ before Woohyun can finish let alone move to help Sunggyu the man brings the knife away from Sunggyu’s neck and down to the right side of his lower back and pushes it in. Sunggyu gasps at the feeling of his flesh being cut open and tries to pull away from the man and more importantly the knife but the other man holds him still as the man behind him drags the knife down creating a gash in Sunggyu’s back before pulling the knife out.

Both men let go of Sunggyu, he collapses, falling right on the pavement.

“Why do they always lie, blood is hard to get out of jeans.” The man with the knife says as he wipes his hand and knife on his jeans. 

The other man shakes his head, “I don’t think this one will survive.” the man with the knife shrugs and starts walking away.

Woohyun edges to Sunggyu as quick as he can, not caring about the men anymore. “Sunggyu, Sunggyu, baby.” he desperately calls out as he softly pulls Sunggyu’s head into his lap. Sunggyu’s eyes are barely open, he feels wet tears fall onto his face.

His lower back aches painfully, he winces when he reaches up to cup Woohyun’s cheek, “Don’t cry, please don’t cry.”

All that does is make Woohyun sob louder, his eyes somehow find themselves looking at the pooling blood on the ground, the white shirt Sunggyu is wearing absorbing the blood and staining it red.

“Y-you can’t die, please you c-can’t.” Woohyun desperately gets out between hiccups, “We have to st-stop the b-bleeding.” Woohyun quickly discards his scarf and bundles it together. His hands shaking rapidly.

“Woohy-“

“Sunggyu I need to lift your back a bit, okay?” Sunggyu nods.

Woohyun lifts Sunggyu’s back slightly allowing enough space for him to move the jacket and put the scarf on the wound. Sunggyu whimpers softly at the feeling, the pain, which goes through his body when he moves.

Woohyun looks down at his hands, Sunggyu’s blood is all over his hands, already starting to dry in some places. Woohyun desperately wipes as much of it off as he can on his shirt. Sobs coming out of his mouth, salty tears running down his face. 

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Sunggyu mumbles, suddenly feeling drowsy. His eyes closing slightly.

“Hyung don’t close your eyes, keep them open, please.” Woohyun splutters out in a panic, “I need a phone, I need a phone.” His eyes land on Sunggyu’s phone on the ground next to them, he reaches over and unlocks the phone and for a split second, he stares at Sunggyu’s home screen. A photo that Sungyeol took of them both on the beach in Busan when they were visiting Dongwoo and Hoya, the new crack on the phone screen splitting he and Sunggyu apart in the photo. He snaps out of his trance and quickly starts dialling a number.

The phone rings before someone answers, Woohyun doesn’t even let them speak, “I need an ambulance on main-street in the alleyway between Starship Nightclub, the gay club not the straight one and Joy’s Café.”

“Sir what is the extent of your emergency?” the dispatcher asks.

“My boyfriend and I were attacked by two men and one of them stabbed him and now he’s bleeding out.” Woohyun’s eyes travel down to the blood, “Oh my god, oh my god, fuck, why is there so much blood.”

The blood had soaked through the scarf and it was now continuing to pool around his waist, the white shirt nearly completely red.

“Sir, I need you to put pressure on the wound and keep him awake for me. Can you do that?”

“Y-yes.” Woohyun brings his hands down and under the scarf, putting slight pressure on the wound, he looks up at Sunggyu and sees his eyes closed, “Baby, open your eyes please.” Sunggyu’s eyes open just a tiny bit.

“I’m so tired.”

“I know you are baby but you have to stay awake for me, okay baby?” Sunggyu nods, forcing his eyes open. Woohyun wipes his tears and gives Sunggyu a small smile, “Good job hyung.”

Woohyun brings the phone back to his ear, “Okay, I’ve done that. When will the paramedics be here?” his voice shaking.

“They’ll be there as quick as they can.”

Woohyun doesn’t take his eyes off Sunggyu, “And how long will that be?”

“I don-“

“I’m going to die aren’t I?” Sunggyu mumbles.

Woohyun drops the phone and shakes his head rapidly, “You’re not going to die, I promise you. The para-“

“What are they going to do? I’ve already lost too much blood. I’m going to die.” Sunggyu states calmly.

Woohyun goes silent.

“Sir? Sir? Are you there? The-“, before Woohyun can pick up the phone Sunggyu hangs it up.

He stares up at Woohyun, “I’m going to die and I want your undivided attention one last time.” Sunggyu barely gets out. Woohyun feels defeated, he looks at all the blood, he knows Sunggyu’s right, he hates himself for agreeing with Sunggyu.

“Okay, okay baby. I’m here, it’s just you and me.” Woohyun says putting more pressure on the wound. Sunggyu cringes at the pain.

“I love you so much, you know that right?”

Woohyun nods, “I know you do and I love you so much too.” Sunggyu smiles slightly.

“You have to look after the cat, she’ll need lots and lots of cuddles and don’t stay away from work for too long, you know Sungjong can’t cope without you there.” Sunggyu words are starting to slur together, Woohyun can barely understand him.

“I will, I promise.” Woohyun can hear the faint sound of a siren.

“And make sure Myungsoo doesn’t go quiet again and keep Dongwoo smiling.” Sunggyu shifts his hips slightly, “Fuck a-and don’t let anyone waste too many tears on me, okay?”

Woohyun’s voice trembles, “Okay.”

The siren is very close now.

“A-and tell Mum and Dad I love them and that I’m sorry for being such a shitty son. And make sure Jieun tells my new niece or nephew the good stories, not just the embarrassing ones.”

Woohyun nods not trusting his voice.

The siren has stopped and flashes of blue and red illuminate Sunggyu and Woohyun’s faces.

“Woohyun, one last thing.”

Woohyun’s all ears, “Yes hyung?”

Sunggyu brings his bloodied hands up and cups Woohyun’s face, pulling Woohyun’s face down towards him. He kisses him one last time as the paramedics rush down the alleyway to the couple.

“Can I be your everything? Just until I’m gone?”

Tears fall from Woohyun’s eyes, “Yes hyung, you can be my everything, you already were my everything, you always will be.” 

Sunggyu’s hands fall from Woohyun’s face, eyes barely open he gives a weak smile. “No, just until I’m gone, then move on and be happy for me. I love you.”

His face crumbles with sobs as he watches Sunggyu close his eyes, his whole body shaking. “No no no, hyung! Please no! Sunggyu, please!” He screams, pulling Sunggyu’s seemingly lifeless body into his arms. “You can’t leave! You can’t leave me!”

Two paramedics rush to his side, gurney with them, “Do we have a pulse?” one of them says as the other places two fingers on Sunggyu’s neck.

“It’s very weak, we need to get him back NOW!” the paramedic says, both men try and pull Sunggyu from Woohyun’s arms, “Sir we need to get him to a hospital now if we don’t he’ll have no chance of survival.” Woohyun releases his grip on Sunggyu, watching the paramedics lay Sunggyu on the gurney. They wheel Sunggyu to the ambulance and Woohyun is quick to follow.

Woohyun gets in the ambulance after them and watches them work on Sunggyu, one of them pulls Sunggyu jacket off and see’s the blood-soaked scarf, “did you do this?” he asks Woohyun motioning to the scarf, all Woohyun can do is nod. ”Good job, you may have saved his life.”

Woohyun’s eyes scan the ambulance and there are four paramedics in total, the two in the back with him, one driving and one with a notebook staring at him.

“Okay sir I need your name.” he says.

“Um, my name is Nam Woohyun.” The man scribbles it down.

“What is the name, age, blood type, nationality and your relationship to the victim?”

“H-his name is Kim Sunggyu, he’s 26, his blood type is A, he’s Korean and…”

“And…”

“H-he’s my boy-fiancé, he’s my fiancé.”

The man nods, “thank you, that’s all I need to know.”

The rest of the drive to the hospital is a blur to Woohyun, all he can do is stare at Sunggyu’s body as the paramedics try to keep him alive. When they pull up at the ER the ambulance doors are pulled open and Sunggyu is taken out, they wheel Sunggyu into the ER. Woohyun never leaving his side. Nurses and Doctors rush to them as they pass through the doors.

The man with the notebook walking beside them, “Victim’s name is Kim Sunggyu, 26-year-old Korean male, blood type A with a large stab wound down the lower right of his back and has lost a sufficient amount of blood, possible kidney failure and internal bleeding.” He recites off the top of his head while passing the notebook to one of the nurses.

A young looking doctor starts checking his vitals and his injuries, “We need to get him into surgery now!” he says as they wheel him past more doors. Woohyun goes to follow but is stopped by a nurse.

“Sir you can’t go back there, you have to wait out here.” She says as she guides him to a seat, “Stay here and calm down, Doctor Park is one of the best doctors here. Your frie-“  
“Fiancé.”

She smiles slightly, “Your fiancé is in great hands.” Woohyun nods, staring at the white tiled floor.

 

Hours go by, no news about Sunggyu has been discovered no matter how many times Woohyun can ask the receptionist.

His hands are splayed out in front of him the desk, “Are you su-“

She lets out an exasperated sigh, “For the last time Mr Nam, if anything new has come up I’ll inform you immediately. Now just wait patiently, worrying won’t do either of you very good.”

Woohyun takes a deep breathe, tears pooling in the corner of his eyes, “Okay. I’m sorry that I’m being an inconvenience, I’ll just wait now.” He starts walking back over to a chair, running a hand through his hair.

“Woohyun hyung?” Woohyun turns when he hears his name, he sees Sungyeol appear around the corner adorned in his doctor’s uniform, “what are you doing here?” he asks as he hands a clipboard to a nurse. 

Woohyun turns around and faces Sungyeol, he watches his friends eyes widen.

“Why are you lo-oh” Woohyun says as he looks down at his blood-soaked clothes and blood covered hands, it was now dry and flaking off his skin.

Sungyeol rushes over to him and places a hand on his forehead, “Are you okay? What happened to you?”

Woohyun removes Sungyeol’s hand from his forehead, and tears start to swell in his eyes, “Sunggyu hyung is nearly d-dead. H-he’s in surgery, he’s lost too much blood, t-they said he might have internal bleeding and kidney failure.”

“What?!”

Woohyun wipes his eyes, “We were walking home and fuck I’m so stupid, there was someone in an alleyway and they sounded like they were hurt and t-they weren’t. And before we knew it Sunggyu had a knife to his neck and I was gasping for breath as the men demanded us to empty our pockets. A-and before they left, they, they.” Woohyun can’t handle it anymore, he breaks down. “They fucking stabbed him a-and he was bleeding out and I couldn’t do anything. I tried to stop the bleeding. I tried s-so hard a-and he told m-me to move on w-when he dies, he said when Sungyeol, not if, fucking when and I just.” 

Woohyun’s legs give out, Sungyeol catches him in his arms and slowly sinks to the ground with him. Woohyun sobs into Sungyeol’s chest and clutches to the taller man. After a few minutes Woohyun calms down to an extent with Sungyeol rubbing his back and humming softly, no one disturbs them from their spot in the middle of the waiting room floor. 

“You okay now?” Sungyeol asks quietly.

Woohyun sniffles, “Not really but thank you Sungyeol.”

“It’s okay but I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if Sunggyu does survive his surgery he’ll be placed in the intensive care unit and only immediate family will be allowed to see him, spouses, parents and siblings.”

Woohyun’s to Sungyeol, “But I’m his emergency cont-“

Sungyeol shakes his head, “That doesn’t count for anything. This is a really shitty situation but it’s the truth, if by some miracle he survives the surgery by the sounds of his injuries he’ll still only have a small chance he’ll survive, even on life support, which means the doctor will recommend taking him off life support and I doubt you’d be allowed in to say good-“

“Shut up, just fucking shut up.” Woohyun cusses, covering his ears to block Sungyeol out.

“I’m sorry.”

They sit in silence again.

“Have you called anyone yet?” Woohyun shakes his head.

Sungyeol opens his mouth to say something but is cut off, “Dr Lee, Dr Park requests your services in surgery right now.” Woohyun tenses.

Sungyeol nods and pulls Woohyun up with him as he stands up, he reaches into his pocket and hands his phone to Woohyun, “Call someone, tell them what happened.”

Sungyeol quickly goes off to change into his scrubs for surgery while Woohyun stares down at the phone. He unlocks it and dials the first number on speed dial. The dull dial tone rings through until just before he receives the answering machine, “Sungyeol babe it’s 4am, I know you’re working the night shift and it gets lonely but I’m trying to sleep.” A hoarse voice mumbles incoherently.

Woohyun wraps his spare arm around his waist, “i-it’s not Sungyeol, Myungsoo.”

“Woohyun hyung?” the sleepy voice mumbles.

A small smile finds Woohyun’s lips, “Yeah, that’s me.” He says with a small voice.

“Why do you have Sungyeolie’s phone at 4 in the morning? And where’s Gyu hyung?” Myungsoo slurs his words together.

A tear falls from Woohyun’s eye as he starts spurting out everything, “That’s why I’m calling. Sunggyu is um, shit, he’s in surgery right now and Sungyeol told me to call someone and I just don’t know anymore. He’s been in there for hours and they won’t tell me anything and i-“

“Woah, woah, Woohyun calm down. I’ll be there soon okay?”

“Okay.” He stares down at his clothes, “Myungsoo, can you please bring something to change into?”

He hears shuffling in the background of the call, “Yeah of course. Now just sit tight.” Myungsoo ends the call.

Woohyun sits down on one of the hard plastic seats next to a woman and puts his head in his hands. He can’t stop the tears anymore. He shakes silently in his seat for a while when he feels a hand slowly start rubbing his back. He jolts in surprise and sees that it’s the woman next to him. 

She gives him a soft smile, “I’m guessing they’re not telling you anything about your partner?”

Woohyun croaks out a reply, “y-yeah.”

She turns so her body is facing him, “Tell me about them, not the sad stuff, the things that make you smile.”

A smile subconsciously makes its way onto Woohyun’s face, “his name is Sunggyu, he’s my entire world, he’s so beautiful when he smiles, he hates it when I call him that though but there are times where I can call him beautiful without him fussing. That’s when he’s barely awake in the mornings and I kiss him goodbye on my way out to work, his eyes hardly open, messy bed hair everywhere, him wearing my clothes, droll down his cheek, that’s when I think he’s most beautiful.” Woohyun starts rubbing circles on his wrist, “We met in high school, he’s my hyung by two years, he was a third year about to graduate and I was just a first year. I thought he was so pretty and made a huge deal to try and talk to him but he refused to talk to me. I was in the ‘popular’ group you could say and he was just a normal guy that caught my eye. When I confessed the first time he blatantly rejected me because ‘a guy like you can’t like a guy like me, it’s impossible’ so I did it again, a week before his graduation I pulled him in front of me when I saw him in the cafeteria and I stood on top of a table and confessed my love for him in front of everyone and kissed him. He took my first kiss and I took his. We’ve been together since that day and I c-can’t imagine my life without h-him. We’ve been all of each other’s firsts and there are still so many left for us and we’ve made so many plans for the future, he can’t die and let our plans go to waste, I can’t live with only eight years of memories when there are so many more to make. I want to see him on our wedding day, when we adopt a little girl, her first day of school, the ‘threaten the boy talk’ we’ve both planned already. I can’t lose him. Not when we’ve planned everything together.” By the time Woohyun finishes talking he’s in tears.

The woman smiles at Woohyun, “it sounds like you really love him.”

Woohyun nods and rubs his arms, “More than anything.”

The woman nods, “keep having faith in him, he sounds stubborn and I’m sure he won’t go out without a fight.”

“Thank you so much.” Woohyun whispers. 

The woman is about to respond when someone calls Woohyun’s name, Myungsoo is jogging into the ER, small bag in tow, he comes to a stop in front of Woohyun. He hasn’t looked at Woohyun yet and is already pulling out a large shirt and a pair of baggy sweatpants, handing them to Woohyun as he blabbers on, “So these are Sungyeol’s and I have no idea if they’ll fit you but I mean he’s tall so they should? And why do you need a- oh you’re covered in blood, delightful. Go wash up.” Myungsoo ushers Woohyun out of his seat and slightly pushes him towards the bathroom after taking Sungyeol’s phone from his hands.

“Okay.” Woohyun says in a small voice, he was suddenly overwhelmed with a great feeling of relief, Myungsoo was here and he wasn’t alone, Myungsoo was here with a steady head. He paces over to the bathroom and opens one of the stalls, locking it behind him and stripping himself of his blood-soaked shirt and pants, and replacing them with the clean and floral (definitely Sungyeol’s idea) smelling ones. The shirt felt tight around his arms and pants pooled around his ankles, but he wasn’t going to complain. It felt so good to be wearing something clean. He picks up his clothes and dumps them into the small bin next to the sinks.

Woohyun looks up and stares at his reflection, speckles of dry blood on his face, more on his hands and undoubtedly through his hair. The urge to shower was definitely there, but that could wait. Sunggyu was his number one priority and he wasn’t leaving this hospital until he knew how Sunggyu was.

Woohyun turns on the water making it lukewarm and starts scrubbing his arms with pink hospital soap that smelled like antiseptic from the dispensers. He washes pink-tinged foam down the sink off of his arms, he pumps more of the soap onto his hands and starts working it into a foam that he then rubs on his face. Splashing the soap off his face he puts his head under the tap, dampening it thoroughly before removing his head and dispenses more soap into his hand and starts rubbing it through his hair. After a few minutes of working the soap through his hair Woohyun puts his head under the tap again and watches the pink toned soap suds wash down the drain. 

The water soon ran clear and Woohyun lifts his head from the sink and turns the taps off, he watches his reflection as water runs down his face and starts dampening the collar of his shirt. His eyes are tired and a shadow of a beard was starting to form. He looked like a mess, a sleep deprived and desperate mess. 

Woohyun runs his hand through his hair as he walks back out to the waiting room when he looks at where he was sitting the woman is no longer there just Myungsoo standing with his phone to his ear talking nonstop into it. Myungsoo’s hair is frizzy and curly not its usual flat-ironed styled self, he has a black coat with too many pockets pulled over flannelette baby blue winter pyjamas with little z’s and clouds all over them and underneath the end of his pants are bright pink fluffy slippers that are undoubtedly Sungyeol’s (and he still has drool on his cheek but Woohyun doesn’t tell him that.)

Myungsoo ends the phone call and spots Woohyun standing in the middle of the waiting room. He gives Woohyun a soft smile and motions for Woohyun to come to him.

He pulls Woohyun into a hug right as Woohyun is close enough, “So I called Dongwoo hyung and Hoya hyung, they’re catching the earliest train they can and Sungjong wasn’t answering his phone so I’ve sent Daeyeol to get him. They’ll all be here soon.” 

All Woohyun can do is nod.

Myungsoo pulls away from the hug and places both hands on Woohyun’s shoulders, “Okay, I’m guessing you’re hungry,” Myungsoo pulls away and turns around, “so I raided Sungyeol’s locker and he hasn’t eaten the leftovers I sent with him last night, sooo” Myungsoo turns around and hands Woohyun a container and a fork, “fried rice for us! It looks like shit but it went better than the… Spaghetti Incident.” Myungsoo shudders.

Woohyun opens the container lid and sees rice with black splotches and random hunks of meat mixed through, he takes the fork and sticks it in the rice and lifts the fork up to take some but all the rice in the container sticks together and lifts up all at once. Woohyun looks at Myungsoo with a blank expression, “how can you fuck up rice this much, I could cook better than this blindfolded. Maybe I should teach you, actually, no, someone will die.” He looks Myungsoo straight in the eye, “I’m cooking for you and Sungyeol until one of you learns how to actually cook.” 

Myungsoo narrows his eyes, “Rude. Just because you’re an ass in your fancy ass professional chef workplace doesn’t mean you can’t have some compassion for my lazy self. And what do you mean by someone will die?”

Woohyun tries to bite the rice at the side, “I’d kill you both.” He finally takes a bite and chews slowly before muttering, “Tastes like shit too. No wonder you both don’t have taste buds.”

Myungsoo rolls his eyes, choosing not to respond to the obvious insult, watching Woohyun eat his disaster dish is enough revenge.

Myungsoo slumps down in a hard plastic chair, “Well I like it.” Woohyun takes the seat next to Myungsoo. They both eat in silence until the containers are empty.

Myungsoo’s eyes glance at the clock, 5:30 am. “Sungyeol’s shift should’ve ended half an hour ago, where is he?”

He gets an unexpected answer from Woohyun, “He’s helping save Sunggyu hyung right now.”

Myungsoo is confused, “What?”

“The doctor performing Sunggyu hyung’s surgery, Dr Park, requested for Sungyeol just before I called you. He’s in the operating room as we speak.”

Myungsoo’s eyes widen, “That was oven an hour ago. How long has Sunggyu been in surgery?”

Woohyun looks at the clock, “Just over 3 hours now.”

“Why were you and Sunggyu out that late?”

A subconscious smile finds Woohyun’s lips, “I wanted to see this new horror movie they’re screening. Tonight was its only special screening and it was the perfect date idea. Sunggyu is scared shitless of horror movies as you know and it was the perfect opportunity to hold his hand.” 

Myungsoo smiles softly, “Yeah, I understand the feeling. Sungyeol hates them too. I watch them with him just so we can cuddle.” 

They fall into a comfortable silence for a while, no one talks. It’s just the soft sounds of keyboards clicking and the small talk between visitors and staff.

Woohyun yawns and rubs his eyes, physically and mentally drained.

Myungsoo looks at him out of the corner of his eye, “You should try and sleep.”

Woohyun is quick to shake his head, “Not until I know something about Sunggyu hyung.” 

Myungsoo sighs knowing that Woohyun’s determined when he says that (if Woohyun being the only one to stay awake during a 72 hour Lee Jongsuk marathon is anything to account for.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this wasn't meant to be this long


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 243 steps.
> 
> Chapter Timeline (when chapter is set): 3/5/2015 - 5/4/2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a shitty person, I haven't updated in months.
> 
> I'm sorry.
> 
> So here's a longish chapter of this to make up for it.

They don’t talk for a while, just letting the noises of the waiting room fill the silence.

Myungsoo’s about to open his mouth when a door slams open, a man slumps down against the wall in full surgical scrubs. His head in his hands, he’s shaking, his sobs are heard clear as day. 

A man comes through the same door but opens it with less force, he’s wearing the same entire as the sobbing man. The second man crouches down in front of the first man and asks him something, the man shakes his head rapidly face still in his hands, profusely refusing anything the second man is asking.

The second man places a hand on his shoulder and squeezes it before standing up and walking towards the waiting room.

Woohyun recognises the man but he doesn’t know where from.

The man comes to a stop at the entrance of the waiting room.

“Kim Sunggyu.”

Woohyun is quickly to his feet and standing in front of the man, Myungsoo swiftly behind him.

“How is he? Is he okay? When can I see him?” Woohyun questions million miles an hour, not wanting to waste a second.

It all happens in a blur after that, the entrance to the ER doors opening, Sungjong and Daeyeol rushing in and to Woohyun and Myungsoo’s sides. Woohyun doesn’t see them or hear them. He’s only focused on what the doctor is about to say. The words that he’s about to hear are the ones he’s been waiting all night for.

He watches the movement of the doctor’s lips but he can’t hear him, he doesn’t want to hear him.

”I’m sorry, Can you please repeat that?”

A huge wave of emotion hits Woohyun full force when he actually does hear the Doctor.

“I’m sorry. We did everything we could but he had lost too much blood by the time we got to him.” Dr Park says in a slow and emotionless voice.

Woohyun’s legs collapse under him, Daeyeol and Myungsoo barely have enough time to catch him before he could hit the floor.

“What? No, he can’t be, he can’t be gone. No, no, no.” Woohyun stutters out in a rush, his voice breaking as tears start to roll down him cheeks. 

A hefty sob leaves his throat when he hears Dr Park’s next words, “He died at 5:57am, I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Woohyun breaks down after that, large ugly sobs leaving his quivering lips. A river of salty tears falling from his eyes. His vision goes fuzzy and his ears start to ring. 

“Sunggyu can’t be gone, he’s not allowed to leave me.” Myungsoo pulls Woohyun into his chest as he cries, all four of them crying, “He can’t leave me alone.”

Myungsoo guides Woohyun over to a chair and sits down with him. Holding Woohyun’s hysteric figure close to him. He watches Daeyeol comfort a sobbing Sungjong, holding him close and whispering things into his ear, making sure the blonde can’t see his own tear stricken face.

They stay like this for a long time, long enough for Sungyeol to join them, red splotches covering his face, long enough for an unknowing Dongwoo and Hoya to arrive.

Hoya sees the five of them first, Myungsoo and Sungyeol holding a shaking Woohyun in their arms. Daeyeol with his arms wrapped tightly around Sungjong, rocking them both back and forth slowly. 

He catches Myungsoo’s eyes, the look in the younger’s eyes terrifies him, Myungsoo shakes his head and looks down.

His legs suddenly feel weak, they threaten to fall as he holds himself up against the wall. A wave of disbelief washes over him, Sunggyu is gone.

Next to him Dongwoo had stopped in the middle of the walk way, eyes wide. He saw Myungsoo’s actions too. His body starts to fall, vision blurry with tears only for a second before he blacks out.

Hoya sees Dongwoo start to fall and pushes himself off the wall, trusting his wobbly legs as he catches the elder in his arms. He feels Dongwoo’s body fall into his arms as his own legs collapse beneath him. He pulls Dongwoo close to him as his body retches back and forth. He can’t contain his sobs.

 

The funeral takes place exactly a week after. On a brisk spring morning. People gather around underneath an old cherry blossom tree, the blossoms only just starting to flower.

The ceremony is long, with many people sharing their stories about Sunggyu. Woohyun is barely able to speak when he shares his memory of Sunggyu. He stumbles over words with a shaky voice, wiping tears away every second word. He talks until all people can hear are the sobs coming from within him.

Myungsoo pulls Woohyun into his arms, letting his black suit jacket be soaked by his best friend’s tears. Arms tightly wrapped around him.

The ceremony ends and Sunggyu’s parents invite everyone to a quiet café for morning tea.

Woohyun greets people as they come in with Sunggyu’s parents and sister. He’s not crying as much anymore. He greets people with bloodshot teary eyes and a small ‘thank you for coming’.

He greets people he knows, family he hasn’t met before and people he doesn’t know. 

They all sit and talk together, for hours only speaking fondly of Sunggyu. And then it’s time to leave, goodbyes are said, ‘see you soon’s’ are spoken frequently, tight hugs are given.

Hoya drives Woohyun home, Dongwoo in the front seat with them. The drive is slow and in a deafening silence.

Woohyun takes the stairs up to the fifth floor, even though the elevator is functioning just fine. He counts each step he takes.

He places his hand on the number of their apartment door, _20_ , tracing his fingers over the numbers slowly. Engraving their pattern into his memory.

 

_“Oh come on its not that bad.” Woohyun says with a smile, taking a box from Sunggyu._

_“How is this not bad? The elevator just had to fucking break on the day we decide to move in.” Sunggyu groans stretching his arms over his head._

_Woohyun rolls his eyes and puts the box on the floor next to stacks of other boxes, “Its only 243 steps.”_

_Sunggyu’s head snaps towards Woohyun, “you counted?” Woohyun nods, “okay how many in total?”_

_“2673. Its 243 steps up and 243 steps down. We climbed the stairs a total of 11 times.”_

_Sunggyu falls dramatically on the plastic covered couch, “I’ve done so much exercise today!”_

_Woohyun laughs and slumps into the space next to Sunggyu, which the latter takes advantage of and uses Woohyun’s lap as a pillow._

_“I love you.” Sunggyu says smiling up at Woohyun as the younger plays with his hair._

_“I love you too.”_

 

Woohyun unlocks the door and steps into the foyer, “243.” He whispers as he closes the door behind him.

His apartment keys fall from his hand into a bowl sitting next to the door, he tries to ignore the sound of them hitting the other set of keys in there, the ones with small keychains littering the ring.

The air is cold and eerily quiet. Woohyun stands there, barely able to see anything through the shadows decorating the apartment. The sound of soft steps walking across the cold wooden floor wakes Woohyun from his trance.

He leans down and picks up the grey feline, “Hey Bubbles, has Mrs Song been looking after you well?” the cat nuzzles her head against Woohyun’s chest and starts to purr.

 

_Sunggyu stands in front of Woohyun, arms behind his back obviously holding something out of Woohyun’s view._

_“Okay so I know works been really, really stressing you out and there’s only so much I can do so…” Sunggyu quickly brings the thing he’s holding in front of himself, “I got a kitten!”_

_Woohyun stares at the grey fluff ball in Sunggyu’s hands before he reaches forward and pets behind its ears, Sunggyu starts to ramble “I’m sorry I didn’t consult you before I got her but I thou-“_

_“I love her, thank you hyung.” Woohyun says sincerely while smiling at the kitten. Sunggyu lets out a sigh of relief._

_“Thank god, I didn’t want to have to give her to Myungsoo and Sungyeol if you didn’t want her, they have enough animals as it is.” Sunggyu speaks in a rushed tone and then his eyes widen, “Now you have to name her!”_

_Woohyun rolls his eyes, “having a dog, cat and fish isn’t an overload of animals.”_

_“Yes it is! Hurry up and pick a name!”_

_Woohyun’s eyes catch a scene playing on the TV in the background and an idea hits him, “Bubbles.”_

_Sunggyu shakes his head, “No. We’re not naming our child like Sungyeol and Myungsoo name their pets.”_

_Woohyun takes newly named Bubbles from Sunggyu’s arms and holds her up to his face, “You said I could name her and Bubbles seems like the perfect choice for our first child.”_

_Sunggyu pouts, “Why couldn’t you pick something Amelia or Eleonore.” Sunggyu whines while following Woohyun into the living room._

_“Because she looks like a Bubbles not an Eleonore.”_

_“But Woohyunnn.”_

_Sunggyu continued to complain about her name and refused to call her that, referring to her as Eleonore whenever Woohyun was around but Woohyun would always catch Sunggyu fondly talking to her as Bubbles._

 

She jumps down from Woohyun’s and slowly wanders over to the front door, rubbing her body against the door and going from staring at Woohyun to staring at the door, her gaze almost shows that she’s expecting another person to come inside. 

She looks lost when Woohyun walks into the kitchen.

It breaks Woohyun’s heart to see her like this. She rubs up against Woohyun’s legs, purring and meowing loudly. Woohyun leans down and softly scratches behind her ears, “It’s just going to be us from now on.”

Almost like she understands him she hisses at him and takes a swipe that Woohyun’s hand with her paw before she dashes from the room.

Woohyun stares at his hand, the crimson blood and stinging sensation is all he can focus on as he starts to cry again. He ends up wailing on the floor, pulling at his hair, shaking back and forwards. Until he just stops and stares motionless at the wall, his back leaning up against the island bench behind him, his arms limply fallen beside him.

He stays like that for hours, doing nothing, not thinking, not moving, not crying or speaking.

His mind goes blank and he just sits and waits.

Waiting for something that’s never going to happen, for someone who’s never going to come home.

He doesn’t remember when Bubbles curled up on his side or when Myungsoo knocked at the door, when he started crying again, when Sungyeol held him close. When he fell asleep in his empty bed after they left.

All he knows is that he hates the bed feeling so empty and cold, that he can’t wrap his arms around Sunggyu’s smaller figure. That he’ll never be able to feel Sunggyu’s warmth, listen to Sunggyu mumble in his sleepy voice about his day, wake up to his peaceful resting face only centimetres away from his own. 

Never be able to kiss him awake, make his breakfast in the morning. Watch him walk out in only his underwear, his hair half sticking up, drawl on his face and rubbing his eyes until he’s awake enough to realise Woohyun’s already made his morning coffee.

All the little things that he loved about Sunggyu, all the little things that made Sunggyu _Sunggyu_. All the little things he took for granted. All the little things that were meant to be there forever. 

 

Weeks passed by, Woohyun tried to live normally again, like everyone else was. But it never felt the same, never felt right. There was always this empty space in his day. There were days when he would forget about Sunggyu’s accident, when he would cook breakfast for two, and sit at the table waiting for Sunggyu to come out and it would hit him all over again. The realisation would come in waves, and he would have to pick up all the pieces again and again.

One day it happened, he woke up, got ready for work, cooked breakfast for one and went to work, had drinks with his co-workers after work, caught a taxi home. A song came on the radio, a song Woohyun hadn’t heard in years and it hit him, it scared the absolute shit out of him. 

He hadn’t thought of Sunggyu all day. 

He hated not thinking about Sunggyu more than seeing Sunggyu everywhere he went.

He hated it so much.

He walked into his apartment building nearly in tears, he was barely holding them back. He stood in front of the elevator and door to the stairs for a long time before he pressed the up button for the elevator. He watched as the numbers counted down _4….3….2…_

The elevator dings and a man and woman walk out and the door closes with no one inside. The couple walk passed the swinging door to the stairs and think nothing of it.

One step at a time Woohyun climbed the stairs, _194…..195…..196….._

With a push Woohyun opened the door with a large yellow five painted on it and walked into the deserted hallway. Taking his keys from his pocket he unlocked his door with shaking hands, dropping his keys more than once.

The pungent fragrance of home fills his nostrils. The smell of strawberry and soap barely there anymore

 

_Woohyun and Sunggyu walk side by side on the walk to school in a comfortable silence when suddenly Woohyun claps his hands together in front of him._

_Sunggyu side eyes him, “What was that for?”_

_“You smell like strawberries and soap!” Woohyun blurts out._

_Woohyun receives a weird look from Sunggyu, “Okay? Why does that matter?”_

_“You smell nice,” he says with a smile, he entwines their fingers, “smells like home.”_

_Sunggyu brings his spare hand up to try and cover his blushing face, “oh my god, you’re so, I just. Don’t say that!” his voice going high pitched._

_Woohyun smiles at Sunggyu and continues to swing their hands in between them._

 

Woohyun throws his keys into the bowl, kicks his shoes off and shrugs his jacket off quickly leaving them carelessly on the floor behind him while he stumbles into _their_ room. His eyes start watering. He pulls at the top drawer of the chest of drawers. He pulls it quickly, the drawer getting stuck multiple times.

“Come on, come on.” He repeats hiccupping as he finally gets it open.

He grasps a large black jumper in his arms, holding it close to his face and his chest. The smell of it instantly calming him down but the tears don’t stop.

He stumbles backwards and falls onto the bed and curls up into a ball as tightly as he can. 

He stays like this for a long time, his tears finally stop after a while and he just lays still. Breathing in the scent of the piece of fabric in his arms.

“Hyung, why’d you have to leave me?” he whispers, voice hoarse.

He shifts his head slightly to look at the photo frame on his bedside table. A small frame containing a photo of him and Sunggyu taken two months before the accident. 

“God I miss you so much.”

 

Myungsoo slips into the booth in front of Woohyun, placing a steaming mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream in front of Woohyun.

“Thanks.” Woohyun says in a small voice, picking the mug up and sipping from it. A foam moustache forming on his top lip.

Myungsoo looks at Woohyun with his eyebrows furrowed, worry clearly etching on his face, “How have you been?”

Woohyun gives Myungsoo a small smile, “I’ve been better, my therapist says I’m making progress though. It’s been eight months, Myungsoo.” His voice shakes at the end.

Myungsoo quickly grabs Woohyun hand, “Hey, its okay. I’m here. Don’t cry.”

“Fuck I miss him, Myungsoo. I miss him so fucking much.” 

“I know you do, I miss him so much too. I’m here for you okay?” Myungsoo says slowly.

Woohyun doesn’t respond.

Myungsoo squeezes Woohyun’s hand, “Okay?”

Woohyun nods, “Okay.”

Myungsoo straightens his back, “Okay so, I wanted to ask you something. So I’m pretty sure you’ve seen Sungyeol flashing around his ring at work all week.” 

Woohyun rolls his eyes, “God, I’m happy for you but he’s so obnoxious sometimes.”

Myungsoo laughs, “He is being extreme at the moment, and anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to be my best man, considering you’re my best friend and all?” he says nervously running his fingers through his hair.

Woohyun leans back in the booth, his body slumped as he takes his mug in both hands and sips, sighs, Myungsoo’s heart drops.

“I mean I guess I have too. Having been with you though all the vomit, blood and tears, I guess I’m obliged to be your best man but I’m offended.”

Myungsoo tilts his head, “What?”

Woohyun straightens up his posture, “I had automatically assumed I was your best man and I’m offended you had to ask me.” He mockingly places a hand over his heart.

Myungsoo face palms, “You’re such an idiot.”

Woohyun leans forward, “What? It’s a natural assumption!” 

Myungsoo shakes his head as Woohyun continues to explain basic best friend privileges.

“-I mean you would’ve been my best man…”Woohyun goes quiet after he finishes his sentence, “But I’m not getting married anymore.”

Myungsoo reaches for Woohyun’s hand again, “you still could get married, isn’t that what Sunggyu hyung wanted you to do? Find someone else that makes you happy?”

Woohyun lets out an exasperated sigh, “Yeah but I don’t think that’ll happen. He made me happy, I’m not going to find someone that’ll make me happy like he did.”

“You’re not going to find someone that will make you happy the way Sunggyu did but you’ll find someone that will make you happy in a different way. Just like you’ll never love someone the same way you love Sunggyu and you’ll never find someone that’ll love you the same way Sunggyu loved you. All love and happiness is different and it varies from person to person. Just remember how Sunggyu loved you and keep on loving him but try to learn to love someone else as well and let them love you and take care of you. Don’t close off your heart.”

Woohyun lowers his head and whispers “Thanks Myungsoo.”

 

_3 months later_

 

Woohyun mumbles as he signs another piece of paper, “Why do I have to do everything? It’s not even my wedding.” the cold air forming a cloud as he speaks.

The delivery guy chuckles as he directs a hoard of people all wearing the same beige uniform carry brown boxes inside of the hotel building. 

“That’s the job as the groom’s best man.” The man says in a gruff voice as he slaps Woohyun’s back and gets to work.

He sighs and pulls his sleeve up to check his watch. The florist is 20 minutes late.

Woohyun leans his back against the marble wall of the hotel. He goes to reach into his pants pocket to pull out a box. He pulls a cigarette out of the box. He places it in between his lips and sparks the lighter to create a small flame. The end of the cigarette catches fire and Woohyun inhales deeply. Taking the base of the cigarette in between his pointer finger and middle finger of his right hand. Head facing upwards he exhales, watching the streams of smoke pass in front of his vision. He feels his body start to loosen up, the tension leaving his shoulders as he relaxes under the cigarettes’ affect.

“You shouldn’t do that. It’s bad for you.” A voice says from in front of Woohyun, “It’s going to kill you one day.”

Woohyun closes his eyes and brings his hands up to rub them, being mindful of the cigarette in his right hand.

“I honestly don’t care if it kills me. Fuck it, I’d be fine with it killing me. It’s the only thing that’s been helping me and I don’t plan on stopping, to hell with the consequences.” Woohyun says as he takes another drag of the cigarette, he lowers his head and looks at the man who spoke. 

A bleached blonde guy stands in front of him, barely taller than Woohyun. He’s dressed casually in a pair of faded jeans and a light blue jumper, with a flower logo of some sort on the front of it and a black overcoat with the same logo. 

He places the cigarette in between his teeth again and inhales, “You’re the florist right?” he says, wisps of smoke passing through his lips as he speaks.

The man nods.

Woohyun straightens his posture, “You’re late. Dongwoo hyung was having a fit because you weren’t on time.”

The man shrugs, “Yeah sorry about that, it’s only me working today so I got caught up. Um I’m meant to get a Nam Woohyun to sign this or one of the groomsmen?” he says flashing Woohyun a clipboard.

Woohyun reaches out his hand, “Yeah I’m Woohyun, under strict orders to sign papers until 3 o’clock and its 3:35 now so I better get something for working over time.” He takes the clip board, he looks at the shipment of flowers behind the man and his eyes catch a vase of red roses and his mind wanders as he signs the paper. He hands the clip board back.

The man stares at the clip board and tilts his head in confusion, “I thought you were Nam Woohyun not Kim Sunggyu.” Woohyun stills and takes the clip board back.

The man watches Woohyun quickly cross out the name previously written down and adds his own signature this time, a question leaves his mouth as he takes the clip board back, “Who’s Kim Sunggyu anyways?”

Woohyun tenses and finishes his cigarette. He stubs out the cigarette and throws it in the ash tray next to the lobby entrance as he walks inside the building. Leaving the blonde outside without a good bye or an answer.

 

Woohyun slouches back in his chair at the bridal table. He had just finished his best man’s speech and had successfully embarrassed Myungsoo, exposing their sex life in the process.

“You did you job successfully.” Dongwoo says while laughing, gripping Woohyun’s shoulder.

Woohyun smiles smugly and crosses his arms over his chest, “He got what he deserved.”

Sungjong’s about to open his mouth to put his input in their conversation when the microphone squeaks as Daeyeol adjusts it to match his height.

“Um hi, I’m Lee Daeyeol and my hyung’s the one that got married. I don’t know why Myungsoo would want to marry that thing.” The crowd laughs.

He runs his hand through his hair awkwardly, “Um so, I’m um going to try and um kinda um,” he glances nervously at the empty seat next to Sungyeol and then at Woohyun, Woohyun smiles at Daeyeol and gives him a thumbs up, “So um I’m going to try and be Sungyeol’s best man even though I’m not. Sunggyu hyung is Sungyeol’s actual best man and I’m going to try and speak for Sunggyu hyung as well as myself, if that makes sense? I’ll try and keep it short like Sunggyu hyung would, he’d want to get to the food as quickly as possible.” he awkwardly laughs, hands visibly shaking.

“Um so one of my most memorable memories of Sungyeol hyung is when he was 16 and was absolutely positive that he’d be forever alone. He came to this realisation when Sunggyu, his antisocial as fuck, never flirted with anyone in his life best friend managed to secure himself a hot one.” Woohyun snorts at Daeyeol’s words, a feeling of longing welling up in his chest, “Sungyeol was sure he was doomed when he spent his seventeenth, eighteenth, nineteenth oh and guess what, his twentieth year of life alone and third wheeling. And he went from third wheeling, to fifth wheeling, to seventh wheeling. And honestly Myungsoo was right there practically the whole time but Sungyeol was too busy wallowing in self disperse.” The guests laugh.

Sungyeol bangs his head on the table, Daeyeol rolls his eyes and clears his throat, “‘I’m forever alone, no one’s going to love me.’ I had sit through a many of these conversations and it was honestly starting to get repetitive after the second time. But you know, I’m an amazing brother and sat through these conversations, over and over and over again. I can’t complain though, Sunggyu hyung had to live with him during this period of time. With Sungyeol running his mouth 24/7 and the amount of hot water he uses, I have no idea why Myungsoo _wants_ to live with him, let alone marry him.” Daeyeol shudders.

“Anyways, so after Sungyeol had one more of these repetitive conversations with Sunggyu, these conversation now had the addition of _Myungsoo’s_ never going to love me, Sunggyu kinda snapped and called Myungsoo and said ‘You like Sungyeol. Sungyeol likes you. Now just kiss, hug, fuck, I don’t know.’ And hung up. This is how our lovely couple became the overly gross domestic boyfriends with their animal children.” Daeyeol raises his champagne glass, “Now on behalf of Sunggyu hyung and myself a toast to the _bride_ and groom so we can hurry and get to the good part.” Sungyeol glares at Daeyeol but raises his glass anyways.

The room erupts to echoes of ‘cheers’, ‘congratulations’, ‘good lucks’ and more. Woohyun holds his glass to Myungsoo and Sungyeol with a small smile and a ‘congrats you lucky bastards’ leaving his lips. He downs his glass of champagne to try and dull the aching feeling in his chest, his eyes glancing at the photo frame next to Sungyeol.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _’dress casually, I’ll be there in ten’_
> 
> Chapter Timeline (when chapter is set): 28/4/2016 - 19/3/2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay woah, this chapter was a long time coming. i loved jumping back into this fic and writing it. 
> 
> i'm sorry for the months of waiting, i hope this makes up for it.
> 
> its unedited as well, just like all of my stuff is lol
> 
> ITALICS ARE A FUCKING PAIN

Myungsoo slipes his phone into his back pocket and slides into the booth next to Sungyeol.

“He didn’t answer?” Dongwoo asked concern lacing his voice.

Myungsoo sighs, “Straight to message bank and when Sungyeol and I went to check on him this morning he wasn’t answering the door and he had the deadbolt on as well.”

“There was no noise coming from inside the apartment at all too. I’m really worried about him.” Sungyeol stresses worry evident on his face as he sips at his black coffee.

“You don’t think, you don’t think he’s done anything right?” Dongwoo asks. Scared for his friend’s safety.

“Fuck, now you’ve got me thinking. What if he has done something? None of us would know. What if-“ Sungyeol’s cut off by a hand hitting the back of his head.

“I’m not an idiot Sungyeol. I wouldn’t do anything like that. I’m not going to leave you guys and cause unnecessary pain.” Woohyun sighs, “I just needed some time this morning, you know?”

“I know.” Sungyeol whispers. The five of them sit in silence. The aura around them suddenly cold and morbid.

The bell on the café door jingles, signifying a customer or customers, has just walked in. The five men pay no mind to it and continue to sit in silence.

“Woah what’s up with the atmosphere? I thought we were here to rejoice.” Daeyeol asks taking off his coat.

“Sunggyu hyung is 27 today, we’re meant to celebrate his life and not be sad and gloomy. He wouldn’t like that.” Sungjong states firmly, hating the thought of them spending Sunggyu’s birthday all gloomy and depressed.

Hoya clears his throat, “Sungjong’s right, Sunggyu hyung wouldn’t want us to be acting like this at all and especially not on his birthday. So let’s order everything off the menu and pig out just like we always did for his birthday.”

Sungjong lets out a squeak of joy, “Finally someone agrees with me!” 

Soon the table is full of life and energy, all of them engaging in conversation, mainly reminiscing about memories of Sunggyu.

“Wait! Do you remember the time Sunggyu tried to do something romantic for Woohyun and instead of reserving a table at a restaurant he booked a room in a Love Hotel?” Sungyeol splutters out, laughter filling the whole café. 

Woohyun smirk softly, “he was so upset that he fucked up but you know, in the end, it wasn’t a bad idea. We had lots of fun that night but hardly any sleep.” He leans forward in his seat, an amazed look on his face, “did you know that they supply t-“

“Ew, Woohyun hyung, we have children here!” Sungjong exclaims covering Daeyeol’s ears, in return, his partner just stares blankly at him.

“I’m older than you Sung-“

Woohyun trails off into his thoughts, a dreamy smile on his lips as he recalls the events of that night.

 

_“Hyung, why are we at a love hotel?” Woohyun quires with a smirk, “I mean, I know it’s our four year anniversary and all but I wasn’t expecting this, I assumed we’d be just having dinner and then maybe have sex at home but you went all out. I’m impressed.” A proud look on his face._

_Sunggyu’s face, neck and ears had turned a ghastly shade of red at the realisation he had booked a night at a love hotel instead of a table at his and Woohyun’s favourite restaurant. Embarrassment flooding his veins._

_“I um, it wasn’t intentional-“ he tries to explain his situation but is cut off._

_“Oh come on Gyu, stop trying to play innocent.” He tugs on the elder’s hand, pulling them through the doors of the hotel, he leans in and whispers in Sunggyu’s ear, “Let’s enjoy ourselves.” A shiver runs down the elder’s spine._

_“I’m being serious Woohyun, I didn’t mean to book it, can’t we just go home and forge-“_

_“Reservation under Kim Sunggyu?” Woohyun asks the receptionist, completely ignoring Sunggyu._

_The woman places a key on the desk and smiles at them both, “We’ve prepared a special anniversary bundle for you both to celebrate your happy day. Throughout the night you can request extra add-ons, the list of extras available and their prices is in your room. We also supply room service like normal hotels, which runs throughout the whole night. I hope you enjoy your stay with us and please come again.” She smiles at them once again and bows shortly._

_Woohyun thanks her quickly with a bright smile before taking the key and dragging his lover to the elevator._

_“Give me the key.” Sunggyu orders, hand outstretched in front of him, waiting for the small piece of metal to touch his skin._

_“Why?” Woohyun asks, eyes narrowed down suspiciously at the elder._

_Sunggyu turns bright red again, “The reservations under my name, shouldn’t I hold the key?”_

_Woohyun smirks, “So you’re finally admitting to it?” holding the key out._

_“Shut up Woohyun.” He splutters out, taking the key from Woohyun’s outstretched hand and getting out of the elevator on their floor, speed walking to their room._

_Woohyun trails behind his flustered lover, his mind full of things he plans to do to his hyung. He slips his arms around Sunggyu’s waist and he makes sure the law student can feel every inch of his body. He rests his chin on the elder’s shoulder, his hot breath tickling the base of his (Sunggyu’s) neck. This makes the elder momentarily freeze before he shakily unlocks the door. Once it’s opened he’s harshly shoved in and pushed up against it, the door closing with the force used to trap him._

_Woohyun’s lips quickly attack Sunggyu’s bare neck, sucking softly in multiple places, drawing soft pants and gasps from the elder, he quickly captures Sunggyu’s lips with his own for a short kiss. Woohyun makes sure to tug at Sunggyu’s bottom lip when pulling away._

_He leans in closely to his lover’s ear and whispers lowly, “I’m going to ravish you tonight, Gyu. Just you wait.”_

 

His daydream is interrupted by Sungyeol snapping his fingers frequently in front of his face, “Woohyun! Are you in there?”

He shakes his head softly, “Yeah, I’m here.”

“We lost you for a while. Where did you go?” Myungsoo asks curiously.

Woohyun faces down and moves around a chip on his plate, “Nowhere.” 

 

 

Tears roll down Woohyun’s cheeks. He sits unmoving on the grass, cherry blossoms blooming around him.

“I miss you.” he chokes out. His eyes never moving from the stone in front of him.

_Kim Sunggyu_  
_28/4/1989 – 3/5/2015_  
_Loving Son, Brother, Friend and Fiancé_  
_A Partner for Eternal Life_

Woohyun brings his hand up to his face, wiping his tears. His hands start shaking. He reaches into his jumper pocket, pulling out a box, opening it and sliding a cigarette out. He sets it in between his lips as he lights it. He breathes in deeply, feeling the smoke fill his lungs.

He leans his head in his hands and exhales out his nose, watching the grey air wisp past his vision, the cigarette in between his lips. He lifts his head and looks back at the gravestone with teary eyes, taking the cigarette out from in between his lips. He looks back down at the cigarette in between his fingers and laughs softly, “I never thought I’d take up your old habit, especially after I helped you quit so many times,” he shakes his head and rolls it back, looking up at the sky, “God, it took months for you to finally stop, I could never understand why you started and stopped, the process of quitting was so long. But now I understand why you started in the first place, they calm me down and it helps me loosen up and relieve tension. And in a weird kind of way, they make me feel closer to you.”

 

_Woohyun’s snapped out of his focused state when an object hits him in the side of his head, he rubs at the side of his head as he glares at the lawyer standing in the doorway, “What the hell was that for Sunggyu?”_

_“This is the last time. Get those things away from me. I never want to see another cigarette for the rest of my life.” Sunggyu rants before turning around and storming down the hallway._

_The culinary student raises an eyebrow, and picks up the fallen cardboard box on the ground, opening it to see that it’s half empty. He stands up with a groan and rubs the side of his neck, his joints stiff from studying for hours on end. He follows the older male and finds him slumped on the couch watching some American soap opera without subtitles on the TV. He rolls his eyes at his boyfriend’s ridiculous behaviour. Sunggyu is sat glaring at the characters on the screen and muttering things to himself._

_Woohyun crosses his arms across his chest, leaning against the door jamb, a smirk on his face, “So do you want to do the honours of flushing them down the toilet?”_

_Sunggyu redirects his glare from an overdramatic blond woman (who’s crying after finding out her husband has been having an affair for the last three years with his assistant) on the TV towards Woohyun, lifting himself off the couch he follows the younger to the bathroom. Woohyun lifts the toilet seat lid and leans against the bathroom sink, the cigarette box in his outstretched hand, “Come on.”_

_The elder huffs and snatches the box from Woohyun’s hand, he opens in and tips them all into the toilet and flushes, “There. I did it.”_

_He starts to leave the room-_

_“What about the ones in your pocket? You gotta get rid of them all too actually properly begin the process of quitting.”_

_Sunggyu turns around and pouts, “Can’t I just have one more?”_

_Woohyun shakes his head, “Nope. Put them all in.” he motions his head to the toilet again._

_Sunggyu sighs and takes the last of the cigarettes out of his pocket and dumps them into the toilet, watching as Woohyun flushes it. He watches the white paper wrapped Tabaco disappear, an itch already forming in his throat._

_Woohyun pulls himself off the bathroom sink and squeezes Sunggyu’s shoulder, “Good job babe. I’m proud of you. I’ll buy you some gum tomorrow.” And walks back into their bedroom._

_Sunggyu furrows his eyebrows and follows the student, “Aren’t you meant to reward me in some way? I’m doing a life-changing thing right now.”_

_The younger doesn’t even look up from his textbooks as he replies, “I’m buying you a huge supply of gum to replace the nicotine in your diet-“ he can feel Sunggyu’s glare, “-what more can you want?”_

_Sunggyu drags himself over to his partner and spins the office chair he’s sitting in so that the student is now facing him. He gracefully sits on Woohyun’s lap and wraps his arms around his (Woohyun’s) neck, “I don’t know. We could have sex?-“ Woohyun raise an eyebrow at the suggestion and Sunggyu groans, “-don’t give me that look. I’m stressed from a nicotine withdrawal and you’re tensed because of finals. It’ll do us both som-“_

_A surprised yelp escapes the lawyer’s throat as hands reach under his thighs and hoist him up before he’s thrown on their bed, Woohyun crawls onto the bed, settling himself in between the surprised male’s legs and places both his hands beside Sunggyu’s head to support himself, he leans down and captures the elder’s lips harshly with his own, “sounds like a plan.” He mumbles against his lover’s lips before he forces them open and slipping his tongue into his (Sunggyu’s) mouth drawing a rather loud moan from the compliant male below him. A long night ahead of them._

 

He inhales the smoke again, “They help a lot but you’d be so pissed if you knew I was doing this, after you quit for the final time you despised people who smoked, you even managed to scare Sungyeol off of even starting.” Grey clouds of polluted air pass through his lips, “I’m sorry I started, I’m sorry I’m disappointing you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you. I’m sorry I froze. I’m sorry I went into that alleyway. I’m sorry we went out that night. I’m sorry I even confessed to you, if I, if I hadn’t of asked you out in high school,” Woohyun’s voice breaks, “you’d be still living your life.” His head falls into his hands.

“Just not with me.”

Woohyun sits there in silence for a very long time. Only hearing the sound of people passing by, birds chirping and the wind rustlings the leaves and cherry blossoms.

He sits in a trance, the feeling of heat burning his skin snaps him out of it. The cigarette had burnt all the way down to the end and burnt the inside of Woohyun’s index and middle finger.

He stubs out the end in the dirt patch beside himself. 

He coughs and straightens his back, “Anyways, um, I didn’t come here to be sad, well I did but um I just wanted to apologise for not coming at all the past year and I’ll definitely come more often. I just needed, needed to, I needed to get in the right mindset.” He stands up and brushes the dirt and grass blades off his pants, “Um, I love you, I miss you and I’ll come back soon.”

Woohyun turns his back to Sunggyu’s grave and starts walking away, he looks over his shoulder one more time, his eye’s roaming over the inscription on the gravestone and the bouquet of red roses sat neatly up against it.

 

A waiter rushes through the kitchen door with a bang and clips a piece of paper with a table’s order on a bar before picking up a tray littered with different dishes and rushing out again.

Woohyun leans over and takes the paper off the clip and reads the modifications, he strides over to the soup station and reads off the paper, “Three serves of sundubu jjigae and make one extra spicy.” He continues to read off the rest of the order, consisting of a bowl of steamed rice and a side of pickled vegetables, to their corresponding stations. 

“Woohyun, I need a second opinion on this.” He hears a voice call out for him, he quickly walks over to the sauce station and stands next to Sungjong, who hands him a spoon. Woohyun puts the spoon in his mouth.

“It’s too salty, try adding some cream to balance it out.” Woohyun states, the chef in front of Sungjong and himself nods and adds some then mixes.

Woohyun turns the spoon around and dips the end in the sauce, then nods when he tastes it, “That’s a lot better. Remember it’s a 1:4 ratio.” He says before walking off to attend to other things around the kitchen.

Before Woohyun knows it an hour has passed, his name being called by different people all over his kitchen. He stands back and looks over his now less chaotic kitchen, sighs and rubs his eyes. Dinner time was always busy, no matter what time of year it was. He slips into his office on the other side of the kitchen. Slumping down in his chair. Rubbing his temples. He sighs when he glances at all the paperwork. 

“Time to get to work.” He mutters. Picking up a pen and paper to start the endless task that is paperwork.

He picks up the first folder on his desk and sighs, a wedding. 

“All we seem to cater for are weddings these days.” He sighs and scribbles down random notes around the soon to be married couple’s requests, “5 pm through to 2 am. That’s a long fucking night. I’m going to have to close the whole restaurant to prepare for this.” He mumbles to himself, “Its quite short notice too. They should know that it’s less than polite to do this to the business that’s catering for your event.”

“You should learn to stop talking to yourself.” A voice interrupts Woohyun’s external monologue, “You never know who could be listening.” Woohyun glances up to see a slightly familiar man leaning against the door frame, “And from the looks of it you haven’t taken my advice to quit smoking.” The unknown male gestures to the cigarette box on his desk. Woohyun rolls his eyes before going back to the paper in front of him.

“And as far I know, you don’t work here. What do you want?” 

The man comes and takes the seat in front of Woohyun’s desk, “I came to check out the layout of the place, to see how many flowers I’m going to have to order in. Taeminnie does a lot of things short notice, his own wedding not being an exception, silly kid.”

Woohyun leans back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, “So you’re planning your friend’s wedding?”

The man rolls his eyes, “just the flowers,” he leans his elbows on the desk and rests his chin on the palm of his hand, “you catered for your friends’ wedding, what’s the difference with me planning the flower arrangements for mine?”

Woohyun forces out a laugh, “You got me there.” He extends his hand over the desk, “I look forward to working with you…” he trails off at the lack of a name.

The man grabs Woohyun’s hand, “Kim Kibum.”

Woohyun tightens his grip, “Kibum, I look forward to it.” He continues with a small smile.

 

“Wait so blue lilies exist? They’re a thing?” Woohyun asks excitedly, acting like a kid on Christmas morning.

Kibum laughs at the chef and nods, “but only after you leave their stems in blue food colouring for a while. The dye seeps up the stems and then into the actual flower petals.” He explains the process of flower dying to the other while arranging the flowers along with the roses on the bridal table. 

“That’s actually so cool!” Woohyun exclaims. 

A week had passed since Woohyun had met Kibum, and over that course of time, they had grown surprisingly close. The florist had been at the restaurant every day since they met, under the disguise of ‘I need to scope out the place’ but in reality, he had been there to see Woohyun. 

The elder hadn’t objected to the company, embracing it actually. It felt nice to have someone care so much as to go out of their way to make time for you. He hadn’t felt this carefree and open since Sunggyu had died, meeting Kibum made him feel as thou a large weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he could breathe again. 

He had been an absolute mess since he lost Sunggyu and without either of them realising it, Kibum was already helping put Woohyun back together, by just being there, talking to him, knowing nothing of his past in turn not pitying him, not worrying about him, not stepping on eggshells around him. It made Woohyun feel normal again.

The younger rolls his eyes, “Sure, I guess it’s kinda cool. I’ve been doing it for years so I guess the novelty wore off.” He laughs softly, eyes wondering to the star stuck male beside him. 

Woohyun sighs and leans back on the table, “So when do you need to leave for the ceremony?” his shoulders slouching slightly, a small, subconscious pout on his lips, not liking the idea of Kibum leaving.

The other shrugs, placing the last flower in the bridal table arrangements, “Dunno-“ he glances at the old grandfather clock behind the table, “-in like five minutes if I wanna make it on time.” A slight smile graces his lips when he notices the pout on Woohyun’s lips, “I’ll be back four, four thirty, depending on when the wedding photographer is done with us.” He wipes his hands off on a cloth Woohyun had retrieved for him earlier.

He shrugs on his suit jacket and sends a playful smile at the dejected chef next to him, “Don’t miss me too much.” He teases, starting to head for the door.

Woohyun scoffs, trying to mask how flustered he felt, “Why would I miss you?” he mocks, trying to cover up his clingy behaviour.

Kibum waves him off and heads out the door. Leaving the elder warmed cheeked and confused with his own feelings.

 

Woohyun takes a sharp breath as his hand comes in contact with the hot edge of the grill, the heat from the metal burning his hand raw.

“Fuck.” He hisses, dropping the tongs in his other hand and quickly rushing over to one of the sinks and running his injured hand under cool water. Instant relief floods his system. The sound of loud chatter, laughter and music heavily outweighing the sound of the kitchen.

“Who knew you were so clumsy in the kitchen? Aren’t you meant to be the head chef?” a voice teases, slight concern mixed in. 

The injured male glances behind him and makes eye contact with the person he’s been waiting to see for hours.

Kibum is standing near him, suit jacket slung over one arm, teal tie loosened around his neck. He looks drained and dishevelled, slightly out of breath, hair a mess despite the number of products used to keep it in place, Woohyun wonders if it’s due to the amount of dancing he’s been doing, the elder totally hadn’t been stealing glances at the young florist throughout the night. The slight amount of makeup used starting to show through, revealing clear skin that didn’t even need the slightest bit of concealer and foundation. 

The clicking of fingers in front of his face snaps him out of his gaze, he hadn’t realised he had spaced out.

“Yo Woohyun? You alright?” Kibum asks, waving his hand in front of the elder.

Woohyun shakes his head, casting away his past thoughts, “I’m fine, just got lost in thought.” He mumbles looking back down at his hand, he couldn’t feel it anymore due to the cold water numbing it.

Kibum smirks, “Am I that handsome that you couldn’t take your eyes off of me?” he skites, bumping his shoulder against the now blushing male’s shoulder.

“Yes.” The word escapes his lips before he can stop them. If he wasn’t red before he sure is now.

The smirk on the younger’s lips turns into a large smile at the new turn of events, “Well Mr Nam, I think you’re quite dashing as well.” He compliments, suddenly Kibum’s composure turns nervous and hesitant, “I’ve been meaning to ask, would you um, like to go out sometime, like a date?” he whispers, Woohyun just able to hear him over the nearly empty kitchen, workers clocking off after a the dinner rush was complete, and the wedding guests starting to vanish out of the front doors, the reception not as exciting since the grooms left.

Woohyun’s shocked, red blush dances on his neck and ears, he doesn’t know how to answer the other’s question. He never expected those words to come from Kibum’s mouth. He stays silent due to the sudden question.

Kibum sighs shoulders slump as disappointment bubbles in his chest, taking Woohyun’s silence as rejection. It’s not like he expected Woohyun to accept his date proposal, he had prepared for the rejection but it still hurt. He clears his throat and straightens his stance once again, wanting to avoid an air of awkwardness he quickly directs the conversation in another direction, “Um anyway, where’s your first aid kit.”

Woohyun snaps out of his daze, “Kibum-“

“Your hand looks pretty bad-“

“Kibum.”

“We’ll need to definitely put something on it-“

Woohyun rolls his eyes, he’s had worse in the past, “Kibum.”

Kibum continues to ignore Woohyun’s calls and keeps rattling on about the chef’s burn, “I don’t want it to get-“

He’s cut off by lips on his, successfully silencing his anxious chatter. The florist is completely taken by surprise, eyes wide as he stands frozen while Woohyun kisses him. Gradually he realizes what’s happening, closing his eyes slowly he starts to move his lips against the elder’s. The kiss is slow and chaste, Woohyun finds comfort in the feeling of Kibum’s soft lips against his while Kibum loves how plump the other lips are in comparison to his own. Their lips lock together almost perfectly, a feeling Woohyun hasn’t felt in such a long time. 

Leisurely Kibum’s hands find solace around Woohyun’s neck, fingers’ in his hair. While the elder’s uninjured hand cups the younger’s cheek. They pull apart gently, slightly out of breath, foreheads resting against each other, eyes connected and smiles on their lips.

“So I’ll pick you up at seven?” Kibum whispers, their breath mixing together.

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” Woohyun murmurs, reconnecting their lips once again.

 

Woohyun rolls his eyes at the text lighting up his phone screen.

_’dress casually, I’ll be there in ten’_

Slipping his phone into his back pocket he begins talking, “He’s not giving anything away, ‘dress casually’, well at least I know we’re not going somewhere fancy.” Woohyun begins to rant to Bubbles, the feline completely ignoring her owner, choosing to take interest in the flashing lights she can see from the apartment window.

The apprehensive male sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, he glances down at his current attire, black ripped jeans, an old high school football jersey with ‘Nam’ stitched in on the back. He hurriedly pulls the jersey over his head and throws it somewhere across his bed. He picks up a black graphic tee off the ground, bringing it to his nose and sniffing, finding it surprisingly clean he pulls it over his head and covers his bare torso, making sure to pull the back of the shirt down to cover his butt.

He looks himself up and down in the full-length mirror, something’s missing. “I need a jacket.” He states, striding over to his wardrobe. He skims his way through the clothing hanging up, “no, nope, nah, no-“ he cringes at a dinosaur print jacket that he’s been meaning to give back to Dongwoo, “absolutely not.” He bypasses a few more items before he freezes.

He grips the hooded leather jacket in his hands, he deeply inhales the scent of the leather, it still smelling strongly of artificial strawberry and generic soap. Nostalgia and longing overwhelm Woohyun’s senses, his grip growing tighter. 

 

_”You have like 10 leather jackets, what’s so special about that one?” Woohyun exclaims, unenthusiastically plucking a pillow from the couch before dropping back in its place._

_Sunggyu exasperatedly rips at his hair, sighing loudly and deeply out his nose, “It’s my favourite and it’s lucky. And you of all people know how much luck we’ll need tonight.”_

_Woohyun glances at his overly stressed partner, he carefully wanders over to his lover and wraps his arms around him, Sunggyu releases his grip on his hair and wraps them around Woohyun letting the sobs he was holding back tear through his body. Woohyun pulls Sunggyu closer to himself, he can feel the material of his neckline growing damper and damper as Sunggyu’s cries worsen. It makes the younger’s heartache to see his other half in such emotional torment._

_He leans down slightly and kisses the side of Sunggyu’s head, “It’s going to be okay. They’re your parents and they love you.”_

_“But they hate you and I don’t want them to hate you.” Sunggyu hiccups out in between sobs, body shaking hysterically._

_Woohyun starts to rock side to side, trying to sooth his partner with the movement, “They haven’t liked me for the past five years. They don’t have to like me, okay? I’m completely fine with them not liking me as long as you like me I’ll be happy.”_

_Sunggyu’s sobs had calmed down to slight whimpers, his breathing had evened out substantially, “They asked me to bring my girlfriend, they didn’t even give me time to correct them before they hung up.” Sunggyu looks up at Woohyun with wide eyes, “I don’t have a girlfriend Woohyun. I have a boyfriend, I have you. What if they want me to break up with you, what if they want me to-”_

_The lawyer has begun to hyperventilate and he was beginning to spurt out nonsense ‘what if’s’ and was talking himself into a state that would no doubt end in a panic attack. Woohyun knew he had to stop him now before it escalated any further._

_Woohyun pulls back, moving his hands to cup Sunggyu’s face, making the elder look him directly in the eye. He needed to get Sunggyu’s breathing back to normal, “Sunggyu, stop, okay. Copy my breathing okay.” He started counting lowly as he took a deep breath. Sunggyu was prone to panic attacks with normal anxiety levels but the frequency of them skyrocketed when his anxiety levels were shooting through the roof._

_The younger took a deep breath through his nose, mouthing the numbers up to four, he then held the breath to the count of seven, once again mouthing the numbers, he began counting down from eight out loud as he exhaled through his mouth, Sunggyu copied each step diligently. Woohyun repeated the process Sunggyu’s psychiatrist had taught him five times, by the fifth time Sunggyu’s breathing was back to normal and he had calmed down significantly._

_Woohyun smiled softly at his hyung and with his thumbs, he brushed away the last of the elder’s tears from under his eyes._

_“Thank you Woohyun.” Sunggyu’s voice barely a whisper._

_The culinary student kisses the other’s forehead, letting his lips linger before speaking, “Everything will work out. I promise.”_

 

Woohyun quickly wipes his eyes in an attempt to stop any tears to begin forming as his puts the jacket back on its hanger and reaches for the black denim one next to it. He shrugs on the denim and with long strides, he leaves the bedroom. He glances at himself in the entryway mirror, running his fingers through his hair to try and style it in a more presentable way. He reaches into the fruit bowl under it containing two sets of keys, he takes the set with ring decorated with keychains, slipping the pair into his jacket pocket along with his wallet. 

Just as he begins to tie his shoelaces the doorbell buzzes. Woohyun finishes tying his laces quickly and tripping over nothing as he rushes to open the front door.

Standing there is Kibum dressed in black combat boots, skin-tight blue denim jeans, navy blue and white striped turtleneck and simply styled leather jacket. His now brown hair is topped by a black beret. Woohyun spots the slightest amount of eye makeup around Kibum’s eyes which praises the lip tint he had used to add a splash of colour to his lips. In other words, Woohyun thought he looked completely breathtaking.

A silly smile dances onto the florist’s lips, “Don’t you look handsome.” He greets Woohyun with a compliment.

Woohyun ignores the blush climbing up his neck onto his face and rolls his eyes, “Well if I look handsome then you’re absolutely stunning.” He watches as the blood rushes to the younger’s cheeks, shining through the light layer of foundation.

Kibum playfully slaps Woohyun across the chest as the latter locks his door.

“Shut up,” he mumbles.

A genuine laugh escapes Woohyun’s throat as he wraps an arm around the flustered male’s shoulders and kisses his cheek, “So what do you have planned for us tonight Gorgeous.” He asks throwing in a pet name as they reach the elevator.

Kibum flushes red again, “I’m going to have to get used to the cheesy names aren’t I?”

Woohyun winks at Kibum. “You got that right Beautiful.” 

A lazy smile adorns the younger’s lips, “I guess I could get used to it.”

He doesn’t hear Woohyun’s quiet reply, “I could definitely get used to this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic will have one maybe two more chapters to it, maybe an epilogue, i've never written an epilogue. i have all the plot sorted, i just gotta find out where i wanna split it.
> 
> i'm going to try and have it finished by the end of the year, dont hold me to that. i'm going to be focusing on this fic and my [**WooGyu Drabbles**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15408858) book for now, i wanna get at least one of my wips' finished this year lol.
> 
> after that i'll focus on one of my other wips, probably [**speak now or forever hold your silence**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15175955) but we'll see
> 
> i hope you enjoyed


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"will you teach me to love again?"_

“Dammit!” Kibum curses throwing his phone across the couch he was sitting on, narrowly missing Jonghyun. He slumps backwards, laying across Jinki’s lap who rolls his eyes at the younger’s behaviour.

 

“He still hasn’t replied to any of your messages?” Minho asks the obvious question with an obvious answer.

 

The agitated male groans, “He hasn’t had any form of contact with me since Thursday last week. He hasn’t even read any of my texts. Do you think he’s avoiding me?” Kibum voices his worry.

 

Taemin snorts, “Hyung, I don’t think he’s avoiding you, people drop off the face of the Earth sometimes. It happens. Now stop worrying and pay attention to the photos.” The youngest male points at the slideshow of the many photos and the odd video he and Minho had taken on their honeymoon across the continents (they had used their honeymoon as an opportunity to travel the world, ‘while they’re still young’ as Taemin put it). The current photo was of the newlyweds biking through Amsterdam.

 

“This photo was taken just before-“ Taemin begins to ramble on about the certain photo. Kibum sighs and sits up again leaning his head on Jonghyun’s shoulder. Jonghyun wraps an arm around Kibum and gives him a squeeze.

 

Jonghyun sends the younger a reassuring smile, “He’s probably busy, you said he was a chef right?-“ Kibum nods, “-and he has his own restaurant?-“ Kibum nods again, “-then he’s probably caught up with work.-“ Kibum sighs, “-If you’d like, we could sneak out now and go get lunch at his restaurant? See if he’s there?”

 

Kibum sits straight up as the words leave Jonghyun’s mouth, he nods his head rapidly, “Yes, let’s do that.” He narrows his eyes at the youngest member of their group, “how are we going to get past him though?”

 

“I’ll cover for you.” Jinki says, waving the best friends off, “go track down Kibummie’s all-most-boyfriend.”

 

“Thank you so much.” The youngest of the three rushes out before grabbing a hold of Jonghyun’s hand, pulling him up from the couch and quickly guides them both out of the room. Jonghyun shuts the door behind them and surprisingly they weren’t caught.

 

They both slip on their coats and leave the newlyweds apartment.

 

The elder of the two receives his phone from his pocket, “So what’s his restaurant called?” unlocking his phone and opening google.

 

“ _’Infinite Beginnings’._ ” the florist states nonchalantly, sending Woohyun another text.

 

The composer lets out a low whistle, “Four and a half star rating, damn this place must be good.” he continues to read off of the website google provided.

 

Kibum rolls his eyes, “We’ve been before-“ the elder gives him a confused look, “-its where Taemin and Minho held their wedding reception.”

 

“Wait really? He owns that place?” He’s in disbelief, “I would never have excepted that.”

 

The younger hails a taxi, “Well get used to it.” He mumbles as they both board the vehicle and give the driver their destination.  


 

 

 

They’re greeted by a waiter right as they walk through the doors, the place is booming.

 

“Can we please have a table for two?”  Jonghyun asks the blond male who nods in reply.

 

“Yeah of course,” he picks up two menus from the stand and guides the pair over to a window table, “this is your table for the afternoon gentlemen.” Kibum and Jonghyun both take their seats. Soon they’re both handed menus.

 

Kibum furrows his eyebrows noticing a different colour scheme of the dining room and design of the menu, completely altered from the simplistic and classy blue one he’s so used to, to a deep red and metallic gold.

 

“The specials for the week are Chef Nam’s kimchi soup and his secret recipe strawberry cheesecake, these items are only available from the 28th to the 5th, I highly recommend them.” The waiter explains the rest of the specials on the menu, “I’ll be back shortly to take your orders.” He bows politely and begins to leave-

 

“Actually, I was wondering if Wo- Mr Nam was available at the moment,” Kibum asks before the waiter can leave.

 

A flash of pain flashes across the waiter’s face before it’s replaced with an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry, Mr Nam hasn’t been in at all this week. Maybe I could take a message for him?”

 

“Um yes that would be great, can you just tell him that Kibum was looking for him.”

 

The blond nods, writing a quick note on his hand, “Is there anything else I can help you with before I leave?” he glances at both of the males in front of him.

 

Jonghyun shakes his head no, “That’s all for now, thank you.”

 

The young man smiles before nodding and bowing again, rushing back to his position near the entrance of the restaurant.

 

The elder sighs when he catches sight of the expression on his best friend’s face, “I’m sure he has his reasons for not-“

“That’s not it. That was Lee Sungjong, one of Woohyun’s friends.” Kibum looks helpless, “He doesn’t know who I am? He didn’t even twig when I mentioned my name. Woohyun and I have been seeing each other for nearly two months and by the sounds of it hasn’t even mentioned me at all. Am I not serious enough to him for him to not even mention me at all?”

 

Jonghyun shakes his head rapidly, “You are very serious to him, I can tell. But maybe he wants to wait until you’re official before he tells his friends. He has his reasons, I’m sure of it.” The elder tries to reassure the distressed younger.

 

Kibum takes a deep breath, “Okay, okay. That’s probably it.” He shakes the negative thoughts swimming around his brain away and picks up his menu, “Anyway, let’s eat. The foods delicious.”

 

 

 

 

Woohyun rubs at his eyes trying to prevent any more tears from falling, humming along softly to Sunggyu’s favourite album he has playing in the background, he was still dressed in the suit he wore to visit Sunggyu only hours before. He absentmindedly follows the urge to go into the bedroom to retrieve something, he opens the bottom drawer of Sunggyu’s bedside table, pulling out the old Adidas shoe box the elder had started storing _their_ past collection in.

 

Woohyun holds it with such delicateness, like at any moment it would shatter into a million pieces. He thumbs over the worn cardboard edges of the box while walking back to the living room. He sinks down on the couch, placing the box on the coffee table in front of himself. He opens it and smiles. He starts to gently go through the contents of the box.

 

He starts by taking a stack of all sizes rectangle papers held together by a rubber band out, concerts, soccer games, movies, musicals, conventions, you name it and they’d probably have a ticket for it.

 

 

 

 

_“Give me the tickets.” Sunggyu orders while kicking his shoes off and making his way into their shared room, he doesn’t even give Woohyun a chance to respond._

_They had just gotten back from a date, they had gone and seen ‘Phantom of The Opera’ and Woohyun was genuinely confused about why Sunggyu wanted the tickets. He’s even more confused when Sunggyu returns with a shoe box, placing it on the kitchen bench._

_He hands the tickets to his partner, a question slipping past his lips, “Why?”_

_“Because I want to collect our memories together to show our kids in the future.” Sunggyu ignores the blush dusting across his cheeks, taking the lid off the box and adding the tickets to the small stack already formed._

_Woohyun glances in and spots flyers, napkins with little games of tic tac toe they’d play while waiting for their food or notes they’d pass to each other during dinner get together’s with friends, receipts, stickers even, little trinkets from all their past dates. This causes a large smile to cross the younger’s face, “I thought I was meant to be the cheesy one?” he kisses the side of the flustered male’s forehead._

_“Shut up,” Sunggyu mumbles half-heartedly, quickly tying the rubber band back around the ticket bundle._

_“I love you too.” He teases, pulling Sunggyu into a deep kiss._

Woohyun quietly shifts through the box of memories, laying them all out carefully on the table in front of him. He smiles at all the Polaroids in the box, some from a camera and some from a photo booth. He particularly liked the one of them they took while in Japan, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom behind them and they looked so happy, so untouched, so at ease. He used to want to do anything to swap places and live inside that photo with Sunggyu but now he has Kibum, who was making him happy. Who was slowly opening him up again, like Sunggyu wanted him to do.

 

He’s shocked from his trance at a frantic knocking at the door, he furrows his eyebrows, Sungyeol and Myungsoo know to leave him alone today until he messages them and then they’d go and get ice cream. Sungjong was running the restaurant this week, and he would send an email with the work address if anything was wrong (had to have an easy paper trail for the records) and he doubted Daeyeol would just barge in. He was absolutely positive it wasn’t Dongwoo and Hoya, they were enjoying their time somewhere on a beach in Fiji sipping cocktails. So he had no idea who was at his door.

 

He shrugs his shoulders and continues his ventures through the box, thinking it best to just ignore them until they go away but they don’t. The knocking continues for another ten minutes. He sighs, putting down the ‘ _couples cake decorating class’_ flyer down and forces himself to get to the door.

 

“God this is one persistent salesman,” he mumbles before opening the door, “Look, I don’t care what you’re selling, I don’t want it, so ju- Kibum?” he’s shocked and confused on why the florist was at his door and knocking.

 

Kibum runs a hand through his messy hair, it had been two days since he and Jonghyun had lunch at Infinite Beginnings and he still had gotten no response from the chief, “I’m sorry for being clingy and disturbing you, I was just worried because I hadn’t heard anything from you an- are you okay? Have you been crying?” concern washes over his body when he notices Woohyun’s bloodshot eyes and blotchy face.

 

The elder quickly brings his sleeve up to his eyes and wipes the excess tears away, “I’m fine.”

 

“Okay.”

 

They stand in silence for nearly a minute. The air around them beginning to grow awkward.

 

Woohyun clears his throat and gestures behind him, “Do you want to come in?”

 

“Yeah. I’d like that.” The younger nods and steps inside the apartment. This being the first time he’s gone inside of the other man’s place of residence.

 

Woohyun closes the front door and quickly walks back to the living room, packing up _their_ box of memories quickly, “Um, it’s a bit messy at the moment and I’m a shitty host so um, take a seat I guess.” He puts the lid on the box and begins to go and put it back in its spot.

 

“What’s that?” Kibum’s curious about the box and the contents.

 

“It’s nothing.” _That’s a lie, it’s everything._ He changes the subject quickly, “The kitchen and dining room are through there-,“ he points to the open doorway on the other side of the entrance, “-the bathroom is down the hall and yeah, just make yourself at home.” He walks down the hall that contains the bathroom. The spare room, his bedroom and the study also accompanying the bathroom in the hallway.

 

Kibum takes a seat on the dark leather couch, he glances around the room smiling at all the framed photos of Woohyun with, who he assumes, are his friends and family. The room isn’t as cluttered as the florist’s own is, it’s barer and unnervingly tidy. There was also two of everything, two mugs on the coffee table, he noticed two sets of keys in the entrance. Did Woohyun have a roommate? He never mentioned it to Kibum.

 

Next to the mug with a printed photo of an unknown man to the younger was a small strip of photos, Kibum being the curious person he is, picks up the strip and studies the four small pictures. A younger version of Woohyun is with the same man that’s printed on the mug. In the first photo, they’re flashing grins and peace signs, the next Woohyun is in the middle of placing a tiara on top of the man’s head, the third is of the man returning the favour but with a crown and the last is of them kissing with smiles on their faces. Kibum can feel the love radiating off of the couple in each photo.

 

He turns the paper over and reads the message written on the back, _‘The Queen to my King. To my dear Sunggyu hyung. Happy five-year anniversary baby. Your Woohyun xxx’._

 

A strange feeling rushes over him, a sense that something bad has happened, the feeling almost disappears when he places the photo back where he found it but something doesn’t settle comfortably in him. Like he’s missing something. That there is more to the photo than just a happy couple.

 

“Sorry I took so long.” the elder apologises, closing the hallway door behind himself, he glances at the male sitting on his couch who’s now sporting a perplexed look. “Did something happen while I was gone?”

 

Before Kibum can stop himself the question leaves his lips, “What was your ex-partner like?”

 

Woohyun freezes, hearing the term ‘ex-partner’ pulls something out of place within him, like everything is happening again in the present, the fear, the tears, _the blood._ His chest is tight with the same grief he wore at Sunggyu’s funeral, the same grief he’s carried everywhere since that day, the same grief that over time he’s managed to make bearable.

 

“Why, why do you want to know about him?” he chokes out, holding back the tsunami of tears threatening to fall.

 

Kibum hasn’t looked up at him at all, he doesn’t see Woohyun’s unstable figure bracing himself against the door. “His name was Sunggyu right?”

 

“How, how did you-“

 

The younger reaches forward and picks up the strip of photos, holding it in between his forefinger and middle finger of his right hand, waving it around slightly. “You left this on the table, next to the mug that you have his face printed on. What happened between you two?” Kibum turns around to finally look at Woohyun, waiting and expecting an answer.

 

“He died, he died that’s what happened. He bled out in my arms while I was left unscathed. I watched the colour drain from his cheeks, the life fade from his eyes. I felt his heart slowly stop beating, felt his skin gradually grow cooler. I watched him get wheeled away, I waited and waited for any news on his condition. I remember word for word what his surgeon told me, _‘I’m sorry. We did everything we could but he had lost too much blood by the time we got to him.’_ ” a sob scraps its way up Woohyun’s throat.

 

“ _’He died at 5:57 am, I’m so sorry for your loss.’_ He died two years ago today, exactly a week ago he would’ve turned 28, in June we’d be celebrating our tenth anniversary. We’d be married, we’d have registered for adoption.” His composure completely falls apart, his face falls into his hands, knees brought up to his chest, back against the hallway door. Bubbles meowing frantically while rubbing up against his legs. She turns around and hisses when Kibum rises from the couch, standing protectively in front of her owner.

 

“I, I didn’t know. Woohyun I’m so sorry.” The guilt that began to manifest once the first words left Woohyun’s mouth had now festered and was eating away at him.

 

“A year ago I would’ve done anything to go back in time and be with him but if you asked me today I’d have a different answer. Before he lost consciousness he told me to move on, he said I couldn’t dwell on him, that I had to forget about him and to stop loving him.” he inhales sharply.

 

“I’m, I’m never going to love like that again. I’m never going to stop loving him, he’s always going to be in my heart. But I want to learn to love in a different way, I want to learn to love _you._ I want you to teach me to love again,” he looks up from his knees looking completely destroyed, “ _will you teach me to love again?”_

Kibum’s face crumbles at the question, “Of course I will, oh Woohyun.” He rushes forward and takes the elder in his arms. Letting him drench his shirt with tears and be painted with snot.

 

The air grew lighter around them, warmer even, like the grey rain clouds that once filled the skies had dispersed and turned into bright blue skies. Almost like they were receiving a smile from above. The change was barely noticeable, only those with the sharpest of senses would be able to pick it up. Everything was beginning to look up and to finally move forward again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thus is the end of the longest and most iregularlly updated fanfic i have ever written.
> 
> wow if this wasn't a journey then i don't know what is
> 
> i decided to end this now and at this point in Kibum and Woohyun's relationship because i honestly don't know if i would've finished it any other way. i had too many plot points i wanted to add that would've just dragged it out in a way that would've been bothersome and unneeded.
> 
> i might think about adding a bonus chapter that would double as an epilogue but i don't think i will.
> 
> this also unedited (like everything i post)
> 
> i hope everyone enjoyed the ride. 
> 
> and yeah, thank you for reading this piece of shit.


End file.
